When the Taliban took over Afghanistan again, my family and I fled to a very remote village. We lived there for about a year and a half. I can’t forget a single second of those days because they were the hardest and most bitter experiences of my life.
It’s hard to believe, but I went through moments where I wished life could be transferable. I thought to myself, If only I could give my life to someone who has a purpose or someone who would use it to chase their dreams and help others. Days turned into nights, and nights into days, but I had no goal. Not for today, not for tomorrow, not for the future. My life was just passing by, with nothing achieved. I even began to doubt if I was truly alive.
When we returned to the city and to our home, the very first thing I did was go straight to my room. When I walked in, the walls were still covered with colorful papers, photos of the children I used to teach, my daily, monthly, and yearly plans, a drawing of my dream house, a board, a pen, and books…
I carefully read through all the papers, until I reached one that had “My Goal” written on it. With trembling steps, I approached it. Tears filled my eyes as I touched the paper and stared at it for a moment. Suddenly, I made a decision that I had to continue and persist in my dreams. So, I took it down, rewrote it in bolder, more beautiful letters, decorated it with colorful butterflies, and hung it back on the wall.
In that same room, in that very moment, I found myself again and I felt like I was born anew. I wanted to start again from where I had stopped. So, I leaned only on myself and stood up. I gathered the courage to pick up the pen again and attend English language courses. My mother was very worried and opposed me going, but I still went. I was afraid, too — but I never showed my fear. I always tried to overcome it.
Honestly, when I filled out the mentorship form, I was a little nervous because It was the first time I would be talking to someone from a completely different language, culture, and country. But after several sessions, my view of the world outside Afghanistan, of people beyond our borders, and of life itself changed completely. My mentor’s attention and efforts, despite her busy life, gave me strength and courage to face challenges.
It’s been about four years now that we girls have continued to live our lives through countless fears and obstacles. Even now, I still go to the course with the same fear I had on the first day, sometimes even more than before.
The Taliban’s rules are becoming stricter every day, and the dangers grow with them. We live with the fear that the Taliban might come and imprison us just for studying. They don’t give warnings or make threats. They take us straight to prison without a court order or any chance to defend ourselves.
The most horrifying outcome is that many girls completely disappear, and only a few are released after their families pay a large ransom. Tragically, most of them, after being released, end their lives due to severe emotional trauma.
I live in a land full of painful truths. Truths so terrifying and heartbreaking that sometimes even my pen is too weak to write about them. So often, I feel like my pen simply doesn’t have the strength to capture them.
– Fayeza
Letter received from our students participating in our Mentorship program. Text altered for protection of our students and for grammatical changes.
